So... I've decided to write a blog. I have no idea why this thought popped into my head- maybe because I want others to experience the joys? that I call work or because I am sleep deprived and delirious so here it goes--
I hate it when I should be sleeping and can't. I arrived home this morning at four AM- after working in the ER for fifteen painful hours and now can't get back to sleep. I highly doubt that the five hours of shut eye I did get will get me through my shift tonight, but luckily I am only working for six hours. I write "painful" not because it was long and because my eyes felt like they had sandpaper in them, but because of the types of patients we take care of.
The ER was bustling with the usual patients- inebriated persons, heart attacks, people puking, cuts, and broken bones. The orthopaedic doctor on call was kept busy with broken hips, a kid that broke his arm while wrestling, a guy that tried to cut off his hand with a saw, and a snowboarder that had the misfortune of having his hip collide with a rock. The rock won.
My joy (and I use the term facetiously) of the shift was a kiddo that "got sprayed by bleach". Now -this was a toddler that arrived in the ER at two in the morning- which begs the first question- why was a kid playing with bleach at two in the morning? Prince charming, mommy dearest, and sissy were brought back from the front desk to a room to be seen by the doc. The triage nurse who escorted the entourage to their room told me "good luck" as she walked by and winked. Despite being exhausted- I was intrigued and went to find out what was up. Apparently prince charming was a thrashing, kicking and swingin' his arms around so much that no vitals (blood pressure, temperature, etc.) were obtained. Now- I love pediatric patients- cuz if they're sick you know it, they are supposed to pee themselves, they can be entertaining, and they are rarely drunk, so I was ready for the challenge. I walked in the room and introduced myself. Mommy barely looked up from the Cosmo in her hand to acknowledge me and Sissy was so enthralled with her game system that I felt unwanted.
Then there was Prince.
He saw me and instantly started screaming and thrashing about like a crocodile thrashes in the water. I sat down and tried to calm him by talking softly to him. No luck. Mommy was reading about the latest fashion accessories and didn't really want to help calm Prince so I was on my own. After being slapped at, kicked at, and screamed at, I was reconsidering my career choice. I finally was able to hook Prince up to the monitors and decided to back away before he puked on me.
The doctor evaluated the patient, and after determining that Prince wasn't in any immediate danger, tried to educate mommy that bleach and kids don't mix. Mommy did look up from her Cosmo for a bit and acknowledged the doctor, but didn't appear too concerned about Princes near miss with bleach. The doctor asked that Prince be showered to remove the remaining bleach.
Great.
I lead mommy and Prince to the shower and instructed mommy to undress prince while I got towels and the shower warmed up. When I returned Prince was still dressed and feisty and mommy was still indifferent. After much prompting mommy finally got Prince ready. Then the torture began, for me.
Mommy passed Prince off to me the way a quarterback passes the football and stood back to watch.
Great.
Trying to shower a two year old reminds me of the Melstone rodeo and an event call "Catch a Pig" or something to that effect. The contestants chase after a greased pig and try to capture it. Usually the pig wins. A soapy two year old has many of the same characteristics of the pig. They both squeal, writhe about, and cause quite a commotion when they feel trapped. Prince was no different.
By the time Prince's shower was done I was soaked, Prince hated me even more and mommy was still indifferent.
Good times.
About Me
- Beagle
- Someday I will grow up and figure out what I want to do with my life.
Entertaining, and very interesting....
ReplyDeleteHopefully tonight you won't have too many Princes'........
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ReplyDeleteBeagle...tomorrow I head back to work after my 16 days of peace and relaxation. I really wasn't looking forward to going back to my office job and the start of another year until I read your blog. Then I realized, what they hay, my job isn't so bad...matching up adverbs and adjectives to nouns and predicates is a lot easier than what you do. The imagery of the greased pig will lull me to bed. Thanks for the posting.
ReplyDeleteThe picture of the Wolf on your blog is impressive.Did he say CHEESE?I know I can't out do you on this one.I have seen what happens to this guy as he ages and it aint pretty.When they start saying "You're Hurting me"we will begin to see a pattern of behaviour un-becoming to a child.It makes me wonder why we're not paid more.I hope Ho--s mom doesn't show up here with a girly magazine.I always hate the moms who ignore their kids so You will think they are someone elses.You might have said "I can't find this boys mom anywhere".I'm sure she would have smiled with deep satisfaction knowing her deception was a success.May better times be ahead of you.
ReplyDeletemy goodness, this is a good blog for people who say, "Now I've seen everything." I used to think I had some great stories of working the late shift at McDonald's and some of its more "interesting" clientele, but I imagine they pale in comparison to the customers in the ER. Great blog, I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteWell Steve and ArVee I hope work treated you both well after your break. Today in the ER I was called an "ugly fopper" (your guess is as good as mine) by some sweet little old lady as she tried to punch me. She also accused me of hitting her and raping her- luckily there was a security guard in the room in case I am ever called on it. She tried to take out the guard with a sharp left hook that was quite impressive. I also was told by a pleasant gentleman the he was going to get his gun and "shoot me" then he was going to shoot himself. At least I would die with a friend! Another exciting day in the ER- what a life!
ReplyDeleteBig B. Are you sure you wouldn't rather defuse bombs or something?I would hate to think a college degree and a desire to help someone could be met with such a lack of gatitude.I see one of my favorites walking the halls without his mom.I wonder what's up with that.Sounds like we both work with the ,let's say,"touched".Maybe this explains why we have a shortage of heath-care workers.My first day back was quiet so it will be down hill from here.The animals are restless.Have better days,PLEASE!!
ReplyDeleteThis is fast becoming my favorite blog. Nothing in my office is quite up to what you and ArVee deal with. However, we did start a weight-loss contest. The buy-in is $10 a month with a winner based on the percent of weight lost. I gave $30 so I'm in for January, February and March. This doesn't have the drama of working with the "touched", but it does add to the fun of coming to work hungry. At least, you know you're not the only one who feels the misery of missing Waffle Cone Wednesday and Fried Donut Friday. I would like to hear about what happened to "favorite's" mother. She might be bound and gagged somewhere.
ReplyDeleteSteve, are you sure you want to do another weight loss contest? Didn't you gain weight from the last one you were in?
ReplyDeleteExactly,Steve!I was told she would be here,With Him, after Chrismas break.This isn't the kind of guy who shows up with Mommy at school.She is either as you said,worse,or there was alot of nagotiating going on behind the scene.So far he has not been in here.That's how I'm getting caught on my blogging.It won't be long now--unless suspension was part of the deal.If that mom is still around someone should introduce her to Roland Burris .
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I lost weight, my team, however, lost the contest...in part because I didn't lose enough weight, but the contest was held over Thanksgiving and Christmas, which isn't a great time to be in a weight loss contest. My first day of this contest wasn't very encouraging. I starved yesterday and managed to gain a pound. I told the folks at work that and they laughed and said, "Well, that's water retention." No it's not...I'm already on a water pill. I think it's just a fact that I'm getting old and my metabolism and not only slowed, it's darn near come to a complete halt. So the pound I gained was from something I probably ate on Sunday, before the diet.
ReplyDeleteThanks for clearing that up. I'll be praying for you Steve and hoping you'll win this time. Hopefully Beagle doesn't mind this secondary conversation on his blog.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite the conversation! RM no worries- converse away. ArVee- this was just a snippet of my shift in the ER. Most of the patients are very pleasant and polite dispite their situation that brought them into the ER. An example was a kid brought in by a police officer for medical clearance. The kid had been drinking and smoking pot before being busted. When I walked into the room he joked that he would shake my hand, but couldn't because of the handcuffs. He was fine and went to jail to sober up. Hopefully he will learn his lesson and not wind up in jail again.
ReplyDeleteHey, I wanted to let you know that some weight loss has actually occured. It's nice to see some results -- however, the salads are starting to look old already.
ReplyDelete